Brushy-headed Baby Steals Hearts, Drools a Lot
Reporting from Nashville, TN – July 26, 2001
This adorable little baby might look like she’s content to merely chew on Biter Biscuits and laze around the house all day, but you’d be mistaken. While Biter Biscuits are definitely on the menu for this rambunctious tot, so are the fingers of her brother, sisters, and parents.
“No, Daddy! YOU NOT EAT MY IFECWEAM!”, ordered the young dictator at a recent family gathering.
After being mentored by her older sister, Emmy Tay Fwine, dictator of Canada, the young ruler first implemented her plans for world domination by first conquering the local slide with her indomitable cuteness. She then began a blitzkrieg campaign throughout the playground and, eventually, to the entire backyard. Not content to conquer her own backyard, Katie quickly implemented a strategy to conquer the backyards of neighboring children and, in at least one incident, a neighboring chihuahua.
Although know for her ambitious militarism, Katie also showed an early love for the arts and all things beautiful. “In my kindgom,” Katie decreed, “Bwack-eyed Susans will be de national fwower cuz’ dey wook wike my eyes. And dey’s pwetty too.“
Katie has adopted many brilliant strategies and tactics, sometimes even stunning herself with their effectiveness. “I wike Sun Tsu a wot. And Patton could put togever a pwetty good awmowed cavawy campaign. But I, pewsonawy, pwefer suckers.“
Before Katie closed out this interview by banishing your correspondent to Antarctica for three decades, she grew introspective. “Someday I wiw be in fird gwade and when I am, I wiw be totawy awesome! And I wiw have puppies and kitties and fwogs too!“
Congratulations, Mighty Kid Katie! It’s 2009. You’re in 3rd Grade. You have puppies, kitties, and frogs. And you are indeed awesome! Happy Birthday!
-Dad
That picture of her with the lollipop cracks me up every single time. I need a copy for my wallet 🙂